Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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