I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
