he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
