I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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