conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
