Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
