I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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