It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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