In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Well I just put wine in my tea
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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