yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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