I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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