weddingsv make me drug and hornr
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
