I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
