i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
