I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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