This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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