Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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