I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
