Define "chronic" masturbator.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
