U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
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