I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
