Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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