no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
