we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
