Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
