it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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