can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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