and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
