if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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