Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i believe in u and ur pee
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize