Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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