i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
