my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
