R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
