Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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