You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
