I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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