The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Randomize
