I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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