operation harelip BJ is a go
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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