Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize