kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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