Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
