It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
