I'm eating all of the evidence.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
