All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You took a bar mat shot.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
