not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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