Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
