the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He shit in the fireplace
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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