I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize