if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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