so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
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