I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
