can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
