So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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