Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
