we have pet lesbian snakes
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize