just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
