All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
