grandma shit on top of the toilet
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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