You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
