Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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