Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
