the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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