The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
