I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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