dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
