Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
did i just pee glitter
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
